The most complex and human path of our lives

For a long time, our story remained within the walls of our home, told through late-night conversations, awkward silences, and long hugs after receiving unexpected news. But today, watching our son play around the living room, intently trying to take apart the TV remote, I feel that perhaps sharing our experience could help other couples considering international surrogacy who don’t really know what to expect.

Because from the exterior everything seems much simpler than it is.

When we first started talking about the possibility of becoming parents through surrogacy, we were afraid. Very afraid. We had spent years trying to find alternatives, seeking medical answers, second opinions, treatments, and solutions that never seemed to materialize. There comes a point when a couple stops asking themselves, “Why us?” and simply starts looking for a way to move forward without falling apart along the way.

I remember perfectly the first serious conversation about surrogacy. It wasn’t exciting or cinematic. It was a long, tiring conversation, full of doubts. There were ethical questions, legal questions, emotional questions. And above all, there was something that stayed with us for months: the feeling of entering completely uncharted territory.

I think many people imagine this process as automatic. Like you sign some documents, wait a few months, and suddenly a baby appears in your arms. But it doesn’t work like that. It’s not automatic at all. Not simple at all.

We had our own arguments. Many more than we expected. And not because we didn’t want the same thing, but because we each went through the process at our own pace. There are days when one of us is convinced and the other is full of doubts. Then the opposite happens. Surrogacy doesn’t just test patience; it also tests communication and the emotional strength of the couple.

In our case, the only way forward was to talk constantly. Even when we were tired. Even when we didn’t have answers. We learned to tell each other things honestly, even if they were uncomfortable. Because there are times when fear turns into frustration, and frustration ends up creating distance if it isn’t managed well.

The moment we understood that this went far beyond the dream of having a child

At first, you go online looking for practical information. You want to know how long the surrogacy process takes, which countries offer the most guarantees, how it works legally, what happens to the baby’s legal parentage, and how much it all really costs. We did exactly that. We spent hours reading articles, watching testimonials, and comparing options while trying to understand something that seemed to change depending on the source you consulted.

That’s when we contacted Gestlife. And here I want to be very honest. We weren’t looking for a promise of a perfect ending. What we needed was someone who would speak to us clearly, even when the news wasn’t good.

From the beginning, we understood that the legal and administrative aspects would be complex. There’s a huge amount of paperwork: contracts, translations, authorizations, medical documents, international regulations… And, what’s more, regulations can change depending on the country and the time. There are situations that are completely beyond the control of intended parents.

That creates anxiety.

Because when you begin an international surrogacy process, you want to feel that everything is under control. But you soon discover that there are factors impossible to control. Biology, for example, often has the final say. You can have all the contracts signed, all the documentation prepared, and the best medical team behind you, but then unforeseen medical factors appear that change the timeline and disrupt the plans.

And that uncertainty is extremely emotionally draining.

I remember entire periods when our lives seemed to be on hold. Everything revolved around the process. Every call made our hearts race. Every email changed our mood for the day. We learned to live with the waiting in a way we had never experienced before.

Some people believe the hardest part is deciding to start. That wasn’t the case for us. The most difficult thing was emotionally enduring the uncertainty for so many months.

Because you begin to live amidst constant hopes and fears.

When we understood that patience was not optional

If I had to give real advice to someone who is thinking about surrogacy, I would say this: prepare yourself emotionally before you start.

Not just financially or legally. Emotionally.

Because there will be good times, yes. But there will also be very hard times. And nobody talks about that enough.

We had complications. Some related to medical appointments and others during childbirth. They were difficult days. Days when the accumulated exhaustion of the entire process suddenly exploded. I perfectly remember the feeling of helplessness of being far away and not being able to control anything at all.

It’s curious how your perception of time changes during a process like this. A day can seem endless. A five-minute doctor’s call can leave you unable to sleep for a week.

Fortunately, and this is something we will always be grateful for, every obstacle that arose was accompanied by alternatives and solutions. That was probably one of the things we valued most throughout the entire process with Gestlife: we never felt abandoned when problems arose.

And problems arise.

I think it’s important to say this clearly because many couples start by focusing solely on the end result and not on the entire process. International surrogacy involves doctors, lawyers, coordinators, international regulations, administrative processes, and a great deal of emotional management.

But it also implies humanity.

Behind every step, there are people working to make everything happen. People you often don’t even get to meet directly. And we understood that especially during the difficult times. There were calls at all hours, alternative solutions when obstacles arose, and someone willing to answer questions even when we were already mentally exhausted.

Not everything went perfectly. And I think that’s precisely why our experience was so real.

Because perfection does not exist in these types of processes.

There is the ability to adapt, to resist emotionally, and to keep moving forward even when unexpected events occur.

The day we finally held our son in our arms

Some images are etched in our memories forever. Ours took place in a hospital room after one of the most stressful periods of our lives.

Our son was fine.

It may seem like a simple phrase, but at that moment it meant absolutely everything.

After so many months of tension, so many doubts, so many documents, calls, fears and endless conversations, the only important thing was this: she was okay and she was finally with us.

I remember looking at him and feeling something hard to explain. It wasn’t just happiness. It was relief, exhaustion, disbelief, and a kind of enormous emotional silence after so much internal noise.

And then you understand something important.

The entire surrogacy process transforms people.

You don’t come out of an experience like that the same.

We started as a couple who wanted to have a child and ended up becoming people much more aware of our own emotional limitations, our ability to adapt, and the importance of supporting each other even in the most difficult times.

We also learned something I consider fundamental: no two processes are the same. Each couple experiences surrogacy differently. Some have faster journeys, others much longer ones. Some encounter legal obstacles, others medical ones, and still others emotional ones.

“That’s why I think it’s dangerous to romanticize the process or sell it as a simple path. It isn’t; it’s long, demanding, and sometimes exhausting… But it can also be profoundly human.”

What I wish someone had told me before we started

If someone had sat me down years ago and honestly told me what all this would be like, I probably would have been just as scared. But at least I would have understood that many of the emotions we experienced were normal.

Yes, there will be moments of ethical doubt. There will be arguments between partners. There will be mental exhaustion. There will be fear that something will go wrong. There will be a feeling of losing control.

And all of that doesn’t mean you’re making a bad decision.

It simply means that you are going through an extremely complex process.

Today, when we see our son running around the house, we understand that everything we’ve been through is part of our family history. We don’t hide the path we took to get here. On the contrary. We talk about it openly because we believe that surrogacy should be approached with accurate information and emotional honesty.

To any couple considering starting an international surrogacy process, I would say: get well informed, ask uncomfortable questions, understand each legal and medical phase, and above all, prepare emotionally for a journey that can be long.

Patience is not optional.

Communication within a couple is also lacking.

And although there will be very difficult moments, there will also be moments that will compensate for all the accumulated fatigue.

Today we have our little one at home. We hold him in our arms. And although the journey was complex, intense, and often unpredictable, it was also a transformative experience that taught us so much about ourselves and about the human capacity to keep going even when fear arises.

Perhaps that’s why, when someone asks us if we would go through all this again, we always give the same answer.

It wasn’t easy.

But looking at our son, we know that for us it was completely worth it.